Monday, February 16, 2009


What if I never get pregnant again?  What if Joshua and Caleb are my only children I will ever get to hold?  What if I never get to watch Wayne be the amazing daddy that I know he would be?  What if?  I found the answer to these questions as I was sitting in our bible study last Sunday night.  Now the lesson wasn't mean to answer this question and the answer for me was in more of a passing comment but it was the answer I was looking for.  

Pray for contentment.  I don't know why it never occurred to me to pray for contentment but it didn't.  I keep praying for healthy children that we get to watch grow up, healthy children that grow to bring glory to God, that will be His tools in bringing others to Him.  I had never prayed for contentment though.  

It makes so much more sense to me now; however it isn't an easy prayer to lift up.  Part of me felt like I was giving up on having more children if I prayed for contentment but truly what more can we ask for in life than to be content with who and what we have.  

I always prayed for God's will to be done above mine but I quickly followed that with a prayer for children.  Now, while I still pray that I will have children, I also pray that God will grant me contentment with all the wonderful family and friends, not to mention my amazing husband.  I have SO many wonderful people to be thankful for and so today I pray I can find contentment so that if future children aren't part of His plan, I can still function and not be consumed by my longing to hold my own baby.  

The word "contentment" was a gift from God last weekend.  It helped me to get my thinking right.  I praise God for our amazing pastor, who in the short time that I've known him, has taught me SO much.  

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