Turns out he's not perfect and I'm far from it. Two imperfect people doing life together is not a recipe for perfection. It's a recipe for a flawed marriage. In 15 years we've completed 2 bachelors degrees, 1 masters degree, had 5 jobs, 2 houses (with 6 months in between at my parent's house), 7 pregnancies, burying our stillborn twin boys, a 7 year old boy, a 6 year old boy, and an almost 3 year old boy. You can imagine that two flawed people doing all of that together doesn't happen without bumps, craters, tears and a whole lot of laughter along the way. There was one point early on before we even hit the really complicated stuff that I was all but sure we wouldn't make it but God had other plans for us. God entered our marriage and grabbed the steering wheel. We both went through changes that I totally didn't see coming.
I learned that there really is nothing that I am capable of without God's hand guiding me through. I couldn't wish a fix for our marriage but I could pray for one. We both learned the difference between fairy tales and agape love. Agape love is the love God calls us to have in a marriage. Fairy tales are just that... tales. Agape love doesn't quit just because quitting would be easier. It is sacrificial, not self serving. It is a choice, not a feeling. It is folding the laundry even though you have no idea which kid the clothes belong to. It is emptying the dishwasher even though it would be way easier to pretend you hadn't opened it and seen that it was clean. It is giving your wife the one empty room in your house to be her craft room even though you really want an office of your own. It is being the first to apologize after an argument. It is going to work every day to a job you don't always love so that your wife can be home with your kids. It is not batting an eye when your wife says she needs to get out of the house for a bit even though you've just worked a long day. It is Wayne.
He chooses to love me even when I'm not lovable. I screw up a lot. A lot. He still reaches out to grab my hand or tells me I'm beautiful even when I know I've been ugly to him. He gives so much of himself to make sure that no matter what I know that I am loved. I have more than my fair share of self-doubt but one look from him and I know that none of that matters. God gifted me a marriage that allows me to be loved despite my flaws. He gave me Wayne. My best friend. My partner in everything. My rational side when I get worked up and filled with anxiety. My smile when all I want to do is cry.
15 years has flown by but when I look at all that our marriage has been through it seems like it should be even longer. I can't help but be overwhelmed with gratitude for the marriage that God has blessed me with. There have definitely been hard times but He has seen us through them. We still aren't perfect, neither is our marriage. We have a lot to learn but we are learning together. There are days where I barely see him or we have so many things on our schedule that we are just running from one place to another in opposite directions, but at the end of the day I know he's there. Even if he's traveling to the other side of the country, I know he's there and I know he chooses to love me.
Happy 15th Anniversary Wayne. Look at all that God has done for us...