Ty is now 1 week old. This post isn't going to be equipped with lots of fun pictures of him because I haven't figured out how to make time to get them off my camera but they will come in time. I'm not going to lie and say that I'm living in new mother's bliss right now. This part is hard for me. It was hard after the boys, it was hard after Case and it's hard now. So what's been going on at the Johnston house since our new bundle joined our family?
Case is STILL sick. It's insane and I am about at my wits end with what to do for him. We are going on nearly three weeks of him being sick with this cold. He didn't have a fever until Tuesday morning and then it was 102.3. We took him to the doctor (this is our second trip for the same cold) and he said it looked like he had an ear infection. Fine but that doesn't help at all with this terrible coughing that he has that keeps him up at night. He cries in his sleep. He's miserable. I'm hoping the Amoxicilin, Motrin, Tylenol, Delsym combination he is on will start working SOON! I hate to see him so miserable!
I have the cold also and I can confirm on Case's behalf that the coughing hurts. I'm pretty sure my body doesn't really have much fight right now between healing from a c-section, not sleeping, and being an emotional mess so who knows when I'll get over this cold. My OB did give me a z-pack to hopefully prevent it from getting worse or turning into pneumonia.
Wayne is currently fighting off the cold but the congestion has started. If you're keeping track that's 3 sick Johnston's and only one healthy one. I'm grateful that so far Ty has been fine because if he gets it then things will take a much more serious turn. The only thing I feel like I can do to help protect him is breastfeeding.
I'm trying really hard not to quit but I have no idea if my milk is in or what that even looks/feels like. Ty was exclusively breastfed until the doctor saw his color on Tuesday and had us do another bilirubin level. It came back at 15. He said we're getting close to where we need to do something but for now he just wanted me to breastfeed for 20 minutes (half of what I was doing) and give him formula. It is quite the sucker punch to have no choice but to give him formula but I didn't want his jaundice to get worse. I'm starting to think breastfeeding just isn't for me. I thought Ty was doing ok with it because he would always come away satisfied but apparently his body needs the formula. We started supplementing with formula and the next day his bilirubin level was 13.1 so we were told to keep doing what we're doing. I'm probably headed for breastfeeding failure yet again but I hope to continue for at least a little longer.
On Tuesday night we got the call that they wanted to show our house the next morning at 9. This would be our first showing in over 5 months and I said from the get go if someone wanted to buy it the day we got home from the hospital we would make it happen. So my parents quickly came to help us get it in "show ready" condition or at least as close to that as it can get given our situation at the moment.
Beyond all of that I'm a mess. I don't know what it is about the beginning that is SO hard for me but here I sit. I expected this. I hoped it would be easier but I expected it. My husband, just as he was the previous two times, is amazing. He reminds me that I'm fighting a battle, a hormonal battle. I hate this battle. I want to be typing right now about how much I'm in love with my new life with a "2 under 2" membership but I can't. I've been to other blogs of ladies that had babies within days of me and all I read is the love they are feeling... I want that. I know it will come. I know it takes time. I just wish I could find the fast forward button. I don't know if I'm the only one that REALLY struggles with this part or not but if there are others please know that you aren't alone.
I'm clinging to these two scriptures right now and just praying for God's strength to carry me through this battle...
"Surely God is my salvation;
I will trust and not be afraid.
The LORD, the LORD himself, is my strength and my defense;
he has become my salvation.” Isaiah 12:2
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Philippians 4:6
Please do not misinterpret any of this as being ungrateful. I'm fully aware of the amazing blessings in my life today. I look into the eyes of this tiny baby boy and I'm overwhelmed that God chose me. He chose me to be Ty's mom AND Case's mom. I'm beyond grateful for this blessing. I love to just sit and stare at Ty. I do love him it is just complicated love right now. My love is being torn and divided and making sure all of that happens equally is overwhelming to me. I struggled to take the love I had for my husband and make room for Case and yet today I love that little boy and my husband beyond words. I will figure out how to divide my love this time too... all in God's time.
This blog follows our family through a journey of healing and faith after the loss of our twin boys, Joshua and Caleb, at 21 weeks gestation. And watch us as we grow with the birth of three more boys, Case, Ty, and Knox.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Friday, March 18, 2011
My St. Patty's Day Baby
God blessed us yesterday with another perfect little boy! Happy St. Patrick's Day to us!!! I'm so excited to announce the birth of Ty Athen Johnston born at 7:52 AM on 3/17/11.
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| Look at all that dark hair! |
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| 8 pounds 1.5 ounces ~ 21 3/4 inches |
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| He came out liking those fingers |
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| Loving this little boy! |
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
39 Weeks
Size of baby: Baby Ty is supposed to be the size of a watermelon now but he has made it clear that those are only averages and he is NOT sticking with them. I don't really have any guesses at this point on how big he is. I'm going to guess 8 pounds 1 ounce will be his birth weight. Wayne's guess is 8 pounds 5 ounces.
Total Weight Gain/Loss: + 20 Well either my scale just won't go any higher or I didn't gain any weight this week.
Maternity Clothes: The suit and all maternity clothes and a few T-shirts oh and all my jammies are regular... that's an accomplishment right?
Gender: BOY!!! Ty Athen!
Movement: Ty's movement just depends on the day and the time of day. Definitely evenings are his more active time. I still sit in awe and watch my belly move when he is at his most active. I could watch for hours! This is something I'm going to miss in a couple of days! I LOVE feeling him move!
Sleep: Just depends on the night and on what I go to bed thinking about. Let's just say two nights ago I got a lot of work done but last night I slept great!
Cravings: ICE!!!!! Yep, still loving it! Pretty sure this pregnancy is going to be followed by a lengthy lecture from my dentist!
Symptoms: I'm getting more tired more easily, I pee pretty much all day/night long, I still have the super smeller, and I can cry about just about anything... yep... I'm pregnant.
Best moment this week: Date night out with Wayne (I only cried once in the middle of dinner so it was pretty much a success:-) My parents stayed with Case and we got to go out shopping and to Carraba's for dinner. It was really nice! I love my husband. He's so patient with me and and he totally gets me. It has also been fun to speculate with Wayne on who Ty will be. We are both getting very excited to meet him (good thing since that is going to happen in two days)!
Update on Case... He still has his cold. We had to miss storytime yesterday, which probably bummed me out more than him. I can't really explain Case right now. He's been a totally different kid for the last week. I wish I knew what was wrong with him. I don't know if kids are like dogs and can sense things or what but the laid back kid that dentist talked about is NO WHERE to be found right now. He has taken on this totally defiant behavior with stuff he KNOWS he isn't supposed to do and he seems rather proud of himself as he looks us in the eye and does it anyways. He's also started screaming for no apparent reason and is VERY clingy to me. Naps are off or not happening and sleeping at night is very interrupted for him (although I'm grateful that these sleep interruptions for him don't come in the form of screaming). For me it has been really hard because I can't seem to do anything to help him get back to "normal" and I guess putting the blame on that dentist because that's when all this started isn't really helping anything. I just keep praying that God will help him through whatever he is going through and that He will give me comfort in knowing that something is wrong and yet I still have to leave him for 3 days. Prayers are VERY much appreciated!!!
Update on the update on Case... I took him to the doctor today. We had to wait longer than usual and he was a MESS (I'd rather not talk about the fact that I got about 1 sentence out to the pediatrician before I was crying too... I guess it is more accurate to say WE are a MESS). Anyways, his ears look fine and his chest sounds fine; however his nose is a "mess". He said it would probably be best if Case didn't go to the hospital if he isn't better by then. He explained that if Baby Ty was to catch this it would mean hospitalization for him. I want to do what is best for both of my boys but man it is going to be VERY hard to me to leave here on Thursday knowing that I might not get to see Case for 3 days and knowing he isn't feeling good on top of that. This momma has been kind of a disaster today and totally consumed by this. I started to feel a little better when Wayne was playing with Case tonight, which usually means Case is upside down at some point, and he noticed that there is a molar that is starting to pop through on the top. I feel like this could explain a lot of Case's behavior. So molars, a cold, and a new baby brother all in one week... let's hope this is a week Case DOESN'T remember!
Update on the update on Case... I took him to the doctor today. We had to wait longer than usual and he was a MESS (I'd rather not talk about the fact that I got about 1 sentence out to the pediatrician before I was crying too... I guess it is more accurate to say WE are a MESS). Anyways, his ears look fine and his chest sounds fine; however his nose is a "mess". He said it would probably be best if Case didn't go to the hospital if he isn't better by then. He explained that if Baby Ty was to catch this it would mean hospitalization for him. I want to do what is best for both of my boys but man it is going to be VERY hard to me to leave here on Thursday knowing that I might not get to see Case for 3 days and knowing he isn't feeling good on top of that. This momma has been kind of a disaster today and totally consumed by this. I started to feel a little better when Wayne was playing with Case tonight, which usually means Case is upside down at some point, and he noticed that there is a molar that is starting to pop through on the top. I feel like this could explain a lot of Case's behavior. So molars, a cold, and a new baby brother all in one week... let's hope this is a week Case DOESN'T remember!
I will try to keep everyone posted on Thursday via the blog and Facebook! Thank you to everyone who has been there for us throughout this pregnancy!!!! We are truly blessed!
Someone please tell me they just forgot to include the number of weeks below!!!!
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Monday, March 14, 2011
A to Z
Stealing isn't wrong if the person you steal from tells you it's ok... right?
I stole this from The Glamorous Life of a Housewife
And now I want you to steal it from me.
GO!
A. Age: thirty-one
B. Bed size: queen
C. Chore you dislike: Cleaning bathrooms!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
D. Dogs: We had the world's cutest basset hound, Tucker, until Case got near being mobile. Tucker doesn't like kids. He was 12 years old when we had to find him a new home. Now he has a great new family, of which I am SO grateful for. I never could have brought myself to putting Tucker down. We'll get another dog (maybe if my husband can talk me into it) when the boys are older and understand what we're doing.
E. Essential start to your day: A hug and kiss from my hubby and love from my little boy
F. Favorite color: Blue... don't know why I've just always liked blue.
G. Gold or silver: Silver.
H. Height: 5' 7"
I. Instruments you play(ed): Can we just list instruments we've TRIED to play? I was told I didn't exactly have the knack for the viola in elementary school; however that didn't stop me from mastering the D-A-D song. My piano dreams came to a crashing hault in college when I attempted "beginner piano"... they were lying... none of those people were beginners. I think I was actually told to drop the class, which I did. So much for an easy A.
J. Job title: Wife, Mother, Internal Customer Accounts Manager turned external and away from customer accounts and more towards projects... not sure what my title is now :-)
K. Kids: Two boys I'll see again in Heaven and one little boy I'm blessed by each day... Oh and one more little boy due to join me on Thursday :-)
L. Live: The ghetto... OK it might not be that bad but the for sale sign that has been in my yard for almost a year now sees it this way for sure!
M. Mom’s name: Diana
N. Nicknames: Bev, Bug (by Wayne), Baby (by Wayne), Little Red (by grandpa)
O. Overnight hospital stays: The day my twin boys were born still and again when I was blessed with Case
P. Pet peeves: Hmmm... I am afraid this list could get quite long... dishonesty, people that constantly interrupt, those that always have a story "better" than yours, people that like to use big words just to show what they know, and long lines at the grocery (seriously... maybe the girl pointing me to a checkout line could go open one instead!)
Q. Quote from a movie: "You know... the Daddy, the Daddy"
S. Siblings: 1 older brother.
T. Time you wake up: Whenever Case tells me it's time, usually between 7 and 7:45
U. Underwear: Yep!
V. Vegetables you don’t like: ONIONS... grossest food on earth!!!!!!!!!!!!
W. What makes you run late: Dare I blame my perfect little angel, Case? Probably not... I'm sure it is more me not being prepared that makes us late.
X. X-rays you’ve had: Oh let's see... I am pretty clumsy... ankles, feet, back, and apparently a little bit of everything at the airport!
Y. Yummy food you make: Chocolate cake
Z. Zoo animal favorites: Dolphins... I always dreamed one day I would be a dolphin trainer... instead I'm a child-trainer. I understand them equally :-)
And now I want you to steal it from me.
GO!
A. Age: thirty-one
B. Bed size: queen
C. Chore you dislike: Cleaning bathrooms!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
D. Dogs: We had the world's cutest basset hound, Tucker, until Case got near being mobile. Tucker doesn't like kids. He was 12 years old when we had to find him a new home. Now he has a great new family, of which I am SO grateful for. I never could have brought myself to putting Tucker down. We'll get another dog (maybe if my husband can talk me into it) when the boys are older and understand what we're doing.
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| Tucker |
E. Essential start to your day: A hug and kiss from my hubby and love from my little boy
F. Favorite color: Blue... don't know why I've just always liked blue.
G. Gold or silver: Silver.
H. Height: 5' 7"
I. Instruments you play(ed): Can we just list instruments we've TRIED to play? I was told I didn't exactly have the knack for the viola in elementary school; however that didn't stop me from mastering the D-A-D song. My piano dreams came to a crashing hault in college when I attempted "beginner piano"... they were lying... none of those people were beginners. I think I was actually told to drop the class, which I did. So much for an easy A.
J. Job title: Wife, Mother, Internal Customer Accounts Manager turned external and away from customer accounts and more towards projects... not sure what my title is now :-)
K. Kids: Two boys I'll see again in Heaven and one little boy I'm blessed by each day... Oh and one more little boy due to join me on Thursday :-)
L. Live: The ghetto... OK it might not be that bad but the for sale sign that has been in my yard for almost a year now sees it this way for sure!
M. Mom’s name: Diana
N. Nicknames: Bev, Bug (by Wayne), Baby (by Wayne), Little Red (by grandpa)
O. Overnight hospital stays: The day my twin boys were born still and again when I was blessed with Case
P. Pet peeves: Hmmm... I am afraid this list could get quite long... dishonesty, people that constantly interrupt, those that always have a story "better" than yours, people that like to use big words just to show what they know, and long lines at the grocery (seriously... maybe the girl pointing me to a checkout line could go open one instead!)
Q. Quote from a movie: "You know... the Daddy, the Daddy"
S. Siblings: 1 older brother.
T. Time you wake up: Whenever Case tells me it's time, usually between 7 and 7:45
U. Underwear: Yep!
V. Vegetables you don’t like: ONIONS... grossest food on earth!!!!!!!!!!!!
W. What makes you run late: Dare I blame my perfect little angel, Case? Probably not... I'm sure it is more me not being prepared that makes us late.
X. X-rays you’ve had: Oh let's see... I am pretty clumsy... ankles, feet, back, and apparently a little bit of everything at the airport!
Y. Yummy food you make: Chocolate cake
Z. Zoo animal favorites: Dolphins... I always dreamed one day I would be a dolphin trainer... instead I'm a child-trainer. I understand them equally :-)
Friday, March 11, 2011
My Tiny Dancer
Look out Fred Astaire... there's a new kid in town!
Don't mind his extremely messy room in the background... in addition to his improved dancing skills he's also gotten very good at destroying his room in a matter of seconds.
Don't mind his extremely messy room in the background... in addition to his improved dancing skills he's also gotten very good at destroying his room in a matter of seconds.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Case's First Dentist Appointment and The Disappearing Paci
I was reading a local magazine a few weeks ago and it was talking about pediatric dental health. Apparently dental visits are supposed to start at age 1. I was a little late getting that message so I started the dentist hunt. I wouldn't dare take him to my regular dentist as I'm pretty sure they would lose all of their clientle in between the screams that I was pretty confident would be coming from my sons gifted lungs.
I found a great recommendation close by but the soonest that doctor could see him was March 18th. I'm not sure if you remember but Case's little brother is due to be cut out of me on March 17th. I just wasn't sure the hospital would release me so I could run Case to his dental appointment the day after such surgery so I had to go with the other doctor in the office, who saw Case on 3/7/11.
The appointment started off great in the basketball waiting room. Even after having been at story time already that morning and being 1.5 hours late for his morning nap he still found extreme pleasure listening to his feet march on that hardwood floor. He loved that little room and the sound of the echo he could make. I was still pretty sure the remainder of this visit wasn't going to be nearly as entertaining for him.
The hygienist called him back about 2 seconds after he decided to poop so after one whiff of him she agreed to wait for a diaper change. Once we got to the room, which I was pleased to see had a closed door, we put Case on a "toddler table" which consisted of my legs and the hygienist's legs. Pretty high tech.
He was all smiles until he had to lay down. Let the screaming begin! She asked some questions and used a tooth brush to put the flouride on his teeth and that was the end of her part. He pretty much screamed through most of the brushing but was fine before and after it.
I found a great recommendation close by but the soonest that doctor could see him was March 18th. I'm not sure if you remember but Case's little brother is due to be cut out of me on March 17th. I just wasn't sure the hospital would release me so I could run Case to his dental appointment the day after such surgery so I had to go with the other doctor in the office, who saw Case on 3/7/11.
The appointment started off great in the basketball waiting room. Even after having been at story time already that morning and being 1.5 hours late for his morning nap he still found extreme pleasure listening to his feet march on that hardwood floor. He loved that little room and the sound of the echo he could make. I was still pretty sure the remainder of this visit wasn't going to be nearly as entertaining for him.
The hygienist called him back about 2 seconds after he decided to poop so after one whiff of him she agreed to wait for a diaper change. Once we got to the room, which I was pleased to see had a closed door, we put Case on a "toddler table" which consisted of my legs and the hygienist's legs. Pretty high tech.
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| Grandma... do you see what they are doing to me?!?! |
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| Yes, it looks as though I'm consoling him after a terrible injury... I take this mom thing pretty serious! |
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| Meeting the doctor |
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| Case: Are you serious Mom???? |
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| And we're fine again! |
So the doctor complemented Case on being such a laid back kid. He said he would consider this appointment a success because Case recovered so quickly from the exam and was immediately happy again. I think he might be off his rocker, no I KNOW he is off his rocker after what he told me next. He had concerns about how Case's front teeth are shaped already due to pacifier use. Now let me clarify pacifier use for Case. He has one that hangs above his carseat, which he will use when he is in the car and he has 7 of them in the bed (might be overkill but he can always find one and loves playing with them). Other than that he rarely uses a paci. The next thing he told me (while knowing that I was 10 days away from having another baby) is that I could start that day and take it away. "He's a laid back kid... he'll adjust quickly" he says. He told me that if we stopped using it now his teeth would correct themselves. Somewhere in there the comment was made "if he stops using it now then his teeth will go back but if we wait until he is 4 or 5 to take it away they won't." I sort of feel like there is a BIG gap between 1 and 4 or 5. He unloaded a lot of psycho babble about how Case would adjust quickly and how when the new baby comes and has the paci that he wants we would just need to explain to him that he's too big for a paci now... I'm thinking this is grounds for hating little brother right off the bat. Not to mention our pediatrician assured us that the paci is fine as long as he doesn't have it all day. Case's pediatrician and his pediatric dentist... NIGHT AND DAY!
More on the paci later...
The dentist was also concerned that Case might be missing two bottom teeth. This doesn't come as a big surprise... my grandmother didn't have ANY adult teeth. She had dentures at 16. My brother and cousins have all had missing teeth. It's hereditary. He said they might just come in late but it's something we'll have to watch. He also explained that Case is below the average for the number of teeth he has. He said it wasn't abnormal just below average. Also no shock... all of the baby jam kiddos have way more teeth than Case. Other than that he said Case's teeth looked great.
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| So let me get this straight... you let them dig around in my mouth for 20 minutes and all I get is this stupid tiger ball? |
More about the paci...
I decided if it was that important I needed to take the pacifier away immediately just like the doctor recommended. I'm very much a rule follower... that might have played a role in my decision... like the doctor was going to call and check to see if I had followed through or something. I yanked it out of the van before he got in. I took them all out of his crib when we got home at nap time. He looked for the paci on both occasions but never threw a fit. I thought maybe this was going to be a simple process... I was WRONG! Monday night Wayne had class at church so I was on my own at bedtime. We went through our whole bedtime routine and I put him in his crib and then he had a TOTAL meltdown. I was going to stay strong and let him cry it out. The crying went on for 30 minutes. Case doesn't cry like that. I picked him up and rocked him for a bit then tried again... and again... by this time both of us were sobbing. I started to hate that dentist! I finally got him to fall asleep on me until Wayne got home. He was able to move him from me to the crib. He slept all night.
The next day naptime came and it was the same deal... disaster. I was tough though. I didn't give in and he eventually fell asleep, however he didn't sleep as long as he usually does. Last night Wayne put him to bed and you would have thought the kid never needed a paci to begin with... I might have been a little bitter that it was so easy for him. He again slept through the night. Naptime this morning went off without a hitch and I started to get a little prideful of our excellent parenting. God quickly humbled me when it was time for Case's afternoon nap. I tried EVERYTHING. I couldn't take it anymore I decided that dentist was crazy and I became an epic failure. I gave him the paci. I just kept thinking I was nuts for attempting this right now. I can't be rocking two babies to sleep at every nap and I'm pretty sure Case will come hate his little brother at first sight if Ty can have a paci but Case can't. How the heck do you explain that to a 16 month old? A little sidenote... Case also woke up with a pretty good cold this morning so all of this has gone on with him not feeling good... that has to be a sign of bad timing right?
So Case got his paci back at about 4:30 this afternoon. It was sort of comical to watch him on the video monitor with it. He had no intention of falling right to sleep... instead he was just taking "drags" from his paci. He REALLY needed a hit! I decided Daddy could try again at bedtime and see how it went. Maybe he would only need the paci at naptimes or something.
Well that brings us to tonight and right now my little man is surrounded by all 7 of his pacis in his crib. He's probably destined for braces, which I'm pretty sure he is anyways, and I'm a failure but right now he is in bed and he is happy. I love that little boy and it broke my heart to see him so upset and hating the place that he was so comfortable just days before. I will take the paci away before his 2nd birthday (I hope) but I really don't think 38 weeks pregnant is the best time for either one of us to make such a drastic change. I HONESTLY don't think he is ready for the paci to be gone yet. Yes, I know this is probably what crazy moms everywhere say but I'm ok with that. Thanks to many supportive friends and a very understanding husband for taking my side on this issue and agreeing that his dentist is probably destined for the nuthouse.
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| My happy guy after his first dental visit |
38 Weeks
Size of baby: Baby Ty is supposed to be the size of a watermelon now but he has made it clear that those are only averages and he is NOT sticking with them. I don't really have any guesses at this point on how big he is. I guess we'll see in 8 days!
Total Weight Gain/Loss: + 20 I'm sure glad I only have to weigh in one more time because this continues to get more and more depressing!
Maternity Clothes: The suit and all maternity clothes, with the exception of a few shirts that still fit (at least I think they do... if you see me out and my shirt is looking more like a leotard than a shirt please be a true friend and tell me so that I can pack it away until the belly allows).
Gender: BOY!!! Ty Athen!
Movement: Ty's movement just depends on the day and the time of day. Definitely evenings are his more active time. I still sit in awe and watch my belly move when he is at his most active. I could watch for hours! He's continued to stay more active than he has the past several weeks. I LOVE feeling him move! I'm beginning to think he is really long.
Sleep: Sleep is actually a lot better than it was. We have a pillowtop mattress and 2" foam pad on top of that. My parents got a new bed and handed down their 3" foam pad to us. We now have 5" of foam padding on top of our mattress. Overkill? I think not! It really seems to have made a huge difference in the amount of sleep I'm getting.
Cravings: ICE!!!!! Yep, still loving it!
Symptoms: I'm getting more tired more easily, I pee pretty much all day/night long, I still have the super smeller, and I can cry about just about anything... yep... I'm pregnant.
Best moment this week: Feeling Ty moving more and more and trying to picture how big he must be because I feel him up so high and down so low all at the same time. Oh it was also quite entertaining when I wasn't sure if what I was feeling were contractions or not on Saturday and Wayne was running around the house like a madman packing "the bag". I kept trying to tell him if it was really labor they would hurt but he insisted that the bag be packed. I'm glad one of us is organized.
One prayer request... Case woke up with a pretty good cold today. Please pray that he heals quickly and keeps his germs to himself. I don't think I could handle having this baby without Daddy being allowed to be there or without seeing Case at the hospital. I guess if I'm the one with the cold the hospital would just have to deal with it but I sure don't want to get Ty sick!
One prayer request... Case woke up with a pretty good cold today. Please pray that he heals quickly and keeps his germs to himself. I don't think I could handle having this baby without Daddy being allowed to be there or without seeing Case at the hospital. I guess if I'm the one with the cold the hospital would just have to deal with it but I sure don't want to get Ty sick!
I guess I better try to be on time with my next post, otherwise there won't be one!
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