Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Out of Control

Life is feeling very out of MY control right now.  Ty has been puking off and on since Saturday night and he has some serious diarrhea.  Yesterday Case fell down the stairs... there was blood but he is fine (I'm not gonna lie... it was a little scary).  I am hosting a shower this weekend... luckily it isn't at my house but there is a lot to do for it.  Life is hard right now because I don't know what is going to happen in 10 minutes or 10 days with Ty.  His puking has been so sporadic (Sat. night, Monday night, Tuesday overnight) that I am walking around with a towel in hand (I just had my carpet cleaned on Monday afternoon).  I'm worried about him.  I don't know what causes this off and on puking and all this diarrhea.  There's been so much diarrhea that I've typed it so many times between now and when it started that I've actually learned how to spell it without the help of spell check.  That's a LOT of diarrhea!  I'm scared that we're missing something.  I called the doctor yesterday morning at 8 and didn't hear back until 5:30 yesterday evening.  Now I will let this slide because it was the actual doctor that called me back.  He wasn't worried yet.  Of course he assumed that since Ty hadn't puked again since Monday evening that he was done... he was wrong!  When I got him out of bed this morning both him and his bed were covered in vomit.  This seems like a long time for a stomach bug to be going on and so far no one else in my house has caught it.

I'm worried.  I'm worried that there might be something more to this.  This is what I do.  This is what I need to stop doing!  Every trial God leads me through has a reason.  I'm pretty sure the reason for this trial is to remind me that I am NOT in control, nor am I supposed to be in control.  Why is it such a struggle for me to put my faith in Him and just let it all go?  God already knows how all of this ends so why on earth do I think me being in control can somehow change that???  His word says, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God -Philipians 4:6."  I've been doing some serious petitioning to God.  Every once in a while when things seem so hard I get this moment of clarity (obviously from God) that reminds me that there are people going through so much worse than this right now.  I know someone that is saying a final goodbye to a parent, another that is laying her grandfather to rest, I follow blogs of parents with babies that they are just trying to keep alive, those holding their breath hoping the heart their daughter received isn't rejected and here I sit fighting tears because my little boy has some sort of a virus. It's the unknown that scares me.  It's the out of control that I don't like.  I pray that God will continue to remind me of how blessed I am, and that He will heal my baby and protect my bigger baby and my husband. This has been a hard week but not nearly as hard as it could be, as it is for some friends.  I am so grateful that even though I'm completely out of control, He is in total control and hasn't faltered for even a moment.  

Thank you God for my babies and my amazing husband and help me to keep my perspective centered on You! 

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