After a doctor's appointment on Thursday, where I learned that our chances for trying to have babies again may be delayed for a while, I was kind of getting a "why me?" attitude. I've been praying about this and God has used His Providential Will to guide me to a few answers...perhaps not the quick fixes I was looking for but in the end is growth.
The first came when we attended a missions conference last night at church. There were a couple missionaries that spoke. They spoke about how your workplace can be your mission field. I had never thought about work as a mission field but I think it is a great way to think about it. It is our job to share God's Word. The thing that really spoke to me though was the need to pray passionately. It can be hard to do that when it is something you pray for over and over again but our prayers should really be passionate. This is something I'm working on. I want God to know that I am passionate about the situations, people, and supplication I am praying about.
God also led me to some notes I had taken during a sermon at church. Pastor Kottke is teaching from the book of Matthew right now. Matthew chapter 6:5-15 gives us a model for prayer. As he was talking about prayer he mentioned the need to pray for something and not give up just because you don't see results right away. The quote that he shared was "delays aren't denials". I don't remember if this was his quote or if he got it somewhere else but it stuck with me. The point is if my prayer is Biblical I can't just give up on it because I don't see the results I am asking for at the moment.
Finally there are two scriptures that I had previously highlighted in my Bible that I found again the other day. The first is Philippians 2:29 "For to you it has been granted for Christ's sake, not only to believe in Him, but also to suffer for His sake." No matter what I am going through good or bad...it is all for God! The other scripture is James 1:2-3 "Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance." This is a beautiful scripture that serves as a reminder to me that there is a reason for the trials I have encountered. I am growing and even though it hurts and I still get sad, I know there is a something better at the end. I know that each day I am growing closer to God. There is no relationship more important than this! So I will continue on through this trial, no matter how many speed bumps there are that slow me down, I will come out in the end closer to God than I was when I started.