Thursday, August 20, 2015

Mommy Fail #1,000,001

Dear Ty,
I let you down tonight.  I'm so sorry!  This isn't the first time I've failed you and I'm sure it's not going to be the last but it's definitely one that's going to stick with me.  I keep reliving what I had did and what I SHOULD have done over and over again.

You were at soccer practice, reluctantly.  You had to leave Case's school skating party to go and that put you in a special mood to begin with.  When we got there a boy had forgotten his soccer ball and I asked you to share yours with him.  You didn't want to and you probably did it for maybe a minute after I practically pushed you onto the field with him.

After about 10 minutes of practice you all were given a patch to bring to your parents.  His mommy was sitting right beside me.  You said, "that boy keeps bugging me!" loud enough that the boy and his mom could clearly hear you.  I thought you were being unkind.  That was my first mistake.  Instead of talking to you about it more, I made you apologize to the boy and I apologized to his mom.

About 30 minutes later that boy came running to his mom crying.  He had clearly been hurt.  I saw you watching from a distance and my heart sank.  I just knew you were responsible for his tears.  The boy told his mom that someone bit him.  She was understandably upset and pretty much announced it to the entire line of moms.  I asked him if you did it.  He said yes.  I couldn't even fathom why you would bite him.  You came over upset almost immediately.  I asked you if you did it and you admitted to it.  Through your tears I made you apologize and tell your coach that you were going to need to leave early.  I was so mad at you.  You didn't bite people when you were a toddler but at four years old it happened?!?!  In the back of my head I kept thinking, how could you even have bit him?  I so wish I had listened to the back of my head!

On our way home, I talked to you more about what had happened.  It turns out that the kid kept falling on top of you on purpose every time you fell down (which you do a lot while playing soccer, not sure why).  You told him to get off and you pushed him off when he didn't move.  He thought that was fun so he kept falling on you wanting you to push him off.  The last time it happened the kid put his finger in your mouth so you bit it.  You were defending yourself.  Yes, you should have used your words and talked to the boy and nicely asked him not to do that anymore and yes you should have explained to me what exactly was happening because "bugging me" from you could have meant he looked at you funny; but my "should haves" list is much longer.

I let you take the heat for some kid being obnoxious to you.  I let you take the heat for defending yourself.  I let all those moms think that you were a mean little boy that bites people for no reason.  I 100% don't care what those mom's think of me but to know that they think you were being mean while this kid is just a victim breaks my heart.  No it doesn't matter what those people think of you because God knows your heart.  But it sure does break mine to know that I am the reason this escalated.

Daddy had a long talk with you.  He's SO much better at this than I am.   He explained to you that you have to be kind but you also have to defend yourself.  He told you that you need to make sure you are clear when you tell an adult what is happening.  And then you prayed for that little boy's finger to get better.

Before you went to bed and with tears streaming down my face I asked you to forgive me for letting you down.  Your heart was so clear to me at that very moment.  You could hardly bare to see me upset and with tears welling up in your own eyes you forgave me and gave me a hug.

I love your heart and your passion.  I'm so sorry that I doubted you and that I let you down in front of all those people.  I promise that I learned a hard lesson tonight.  I will listen when you tell me there's a problem and I will be there to stand up for you when you haven't done anything wrong.

I love you sweet Ty Ty!  Mommy is SO sorry!!!


P.S. My night of fails didn't end with you... I shut Knox's hand in the door twice.  At least I was spreading the "joy", right?

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