Happy 5th Birthday Joshua and Caleb

Dear Joshua and Caleb,
5 years.  That's how long it's been since I held you.  I can't fathom how that much time has passed already.  I miss you.  Still.  It doesn't cripple me but I do miss you.  It's just a tug every now and then that reminds me that my world is incomplete.  I am so conflicted about wishing you were here.  Does that mean I wouldn't have Case and Ty?  I wish there was a way I could have you all here with me.  I sometimes, especially on your birthday each year, get lost in how different my life would be if I could have all four of my boys here with me.

I can only imagine the sounds of two more little boy voices playing in the playroom while I am busy in the kitchen.  Oh how sweet that sound would be!  Of course I'm also very realistic.  I know playing would most likely turn into fighting and arguing, probably even quicker than it already does.  My gray hair and wrinkles would probably multiply at an alarming rate but oh how worth it that would be!  I would just love to see who you boys would have become by now if you were with us today.  I wonder what your birthday party theme would be.  Spiderman?  Transformers?  Would you agree on one or would we have to have a half and half party?  I sure do wish I could trade decorating your headstone for putting the finishing touches on your birthday party.

You had a purpose much bigger than 5th birthday parties though.  Your lives were part of God's plan.  He used you to touch so many lives.  He used you to help other mommas that lost their babies.  He used you to remind me what a blessing Case and Ty-Ty are.  He used you to bring many special people into our life.  These are just the things I know.  God is much bigger than what I know so He definitely used you for so much more.

Sometimes I worry that the world is forgetting you and maybe they are.  I even have a reminder in my calendar.  Isn't that silly?  I don't know how I could possibly forget but just in case that happens I want to make sure this day never passes without your daddy and me stopping to think of you and all the gifts you left behind for us.

We didn't forget you today though.  Daddy, Case, Ty and I went to visit your grave today.  I still look at your headstone and think it's the prettiest one in the whole graveyard.  I guess that's typical mom thinking.  Case and Ty don't understand any of this and Daddy and I haven't spent a lot of time explaining you to them.  Case thinks the cemetery is full of "signs with words".  We've tried to explain it a little bit to them and they know your "sign" is the most important one in the graveyard to us but it isn't time for them to really understand yet.  That day is still pretty far off but in the meantime I enjoy the moments we can all be there.  Together.  Or at least as "together" as we can be here on earth.

Sometimes I feel guilty that I don't visit more often to make sure your grave is Pintrest ready for each holiday.  Then God reminds me.  You have Him.  He is so much more than I can even comprehend and He knows I'm not Pintrest ready for anything anyways.  Today we were there though and your site is decorated.  Case did most of it!

It's funny.  Uncle Ben's and Aunt CoCo's barn is right next door to your cemetery.  Every time we go to the barn, the first thing Case wants to do is ride the ATV to the cemetery.  Not just go for a ride but a ride to the cemetery.  Maybe I read too much into that but I know he likes it there and it makes my heart smile.  I don't want Case and Ty to grow up afraid of cemeteries, especially not yours.  I bought two little jets to leave on your headstone today.  Case and Ty were obsessed with them and could not wait to get them out of the package.  Once I saw how much they liked them I told them they didn't have to leave them behind.  I know those jets aren't important to you.  I thought they both brought them home but Daddy told me Case left his on your headstone at the last minute.  Again, probably reading too much into it but it made me smile nonetheless.  Ty on the other hand?  Well he brought his home.  :)

So as another year without you ends.  I want you to know I haven't forgotten you.  I haven't forgotten all that you taught me.  I am frequently reminded of how blessed I am to be able to hold your brothers in my arms and to kiss them on the forehead.  I'm reminded of what a blessing it is to go into their rooms at night just to make sure they are covered up or to hold them if they've woken up from a bad dream.  I'm blessed.  I'm grateful.  I haven't forgotten.  I pray that your party in Heaven today is way more amazing than any half and half party I would have thrown together here.  I love you my sweet forever babies.  Happy Birthday!

Love,
Mommy

Easter 2013

Christ is risen!  What a wonderful gift!!!

Case's first hardboiled egg, which he surprisingly liked.
Gave him another one the next day and he gagged.  Must
have been a one time deal!  

Ty liked his hardboiled egg!

Coloring Easter Eggs

Easter Egg hunt at home

Found the idea somewhere to fill eggs with a mix of stuff
that could all be thrown in one bowl... definitely doing
that again!

Ty, sharing.

Ready for Easter at Grandma and Grandpa's house

Ty is 2!

Dear Ty,
Here your momma sits... once again baffled by how we've reached another birthday already.  I feel like we just celebrated your 1st birthday and now you're 2nd is behind us.  I don't know where to start with you kiddo.  You and your brother have brought SO much joy to our family and yet the two of you are SO different.  I think you might grow up to be a politician because you totally know how to work a crowd.  You're emotions run high, whether happy, sad, or mad there's no in between with you.  You love to laugh and giggle and are so ticklish that if my hands even looks like they might touch your neck you're doubled over in laughter.

This and the next picture are literally
within a matter of 10 seconds...
there's no in between and I love that
about you!

Trying to get Christmas pictures... this one didn't quite make
our 2012 Christmas Card :)

Daddy asked you the other day if you were Daddy's boy and you said "no."  He asked if you were Mommy's boy and you said "no, I'm Case's boy".  Truer words have not been spoken.  You love your brother more than I could have ever imagined.  Yes you boys fight a lot but you love him.  You do ANYTHING Case tells you to, good or bad (usually bad).  I've heard him tell you "Ty say stupid" and you do and then you both giggle uncontrollably.  You aren't allowed to say "stupid" and you frequently get disciplined for it and yes, your brother is aware of that.  For you it's worth it because you've made your hero laugh.  I can't tell you how many times I've found myself just watching the two of you play with tears in my eyes because I am pretty sure there is nothing in this world sweeter!  God knew you boys would be SO good together and I am so grateful that he put you in my house so I could watch.

Mommy was on the phone... you guys found
a puddle.  Case has such GREAT ideas!

Watching TV together

Your Two Year Stats

Weight:  26 pounds 11 ounces (50th percentile)

Height:  35.25 inches (74th percentile)

Head Circumference:  50 centimeters (91st percentile)

Your body has officially flip flopped.  Every time you've been measured you were always high in weight and average in height and now you're the opposite.  

Sleeping:  You are a great sleeper.  It's VERY rare that we have to come into your room after you go to bed between 8:30 and 9.  If we do it's because you've been sleeping on your hand, causing it to fall asleep and you to be freaked out.  You usually wake up between 6:45 and 7:30 and you nap between about 2:30 and 5.  You like for me to rock you to sleep at night and we always read a story and sing a couple songs.  I love to listen to you sing "Jesus Loves Me".  It's adorable!  Sometimes you'll tell me you want to sing the "Mommy Song" of which there isn't one so I tell you I don't know it and ask you to sing it for me.  You always make something up.  The tune is always different the but the words always consist only of "Mommy" or whatever topic you've asked for.  After we rock for a bit you will usually say "I want to go to bed,"  I put you in your crib and that's that.  I know my days of rocking you are numbered and I truly cherish that time with you. 

Asleep in the car with a sucker in your mouth
this is bad parenting anyway you look at it.
Let's hope you don't take up smoking!

Eating:  You are not the world's greatest eater.  You would drink milk all day long if I'd let you but I usually try to keep it to meals.  You love juice too but you rarely get that.  The only foods that are a sure things are the ones that are bad for you, like sweets and "chippies".  You'll usually eat mac and cheese, granola bars, grapes, raisins, chicken nuggets, and pizza but beyond that it just depends on the day.  You rarely clean your plate and if your brother is done eating then you are done as well, whether you've touched your food or not.  

Toys:  You love Lightning McQueen from the Cars movies right now.  You enjoy trains, cars, helicopters, and airplanes.  If it has wheels and you can push it then you like it.  You and Case have Hot Wheel bikes that you love to ride around the house.  You aren't a huge fan of crafts yet.  I'm hoping you'll come around.  You're starting to enjoy technology a little more but your brother is usually monopolizing it so you haven't really had a chance to love it as much as he does.  

Clothes:  You are wearing some 2T but can still fit pretty comfortably in 24M and even some 18M if the pants aren't too short and if we can fit your giant noggin through the head hole.  You sleep in footed jammies every night.   You, just like your brother, have big feet and you're comfortably wearing a size 8 already.   

You have a problem with your right knee right now.  I'm hoping if you're reading this it's old news and no longer an issue.  I took you to a pediatric orthopedist this week and he believes your meniscus is too large but the only way to diagnose it for sure is an MRI, which you would have to be sedated for.  We're going to try to hold off on that until it's absolutely necessary because the only fix is surgery, so in the meantime you randomly start sobbing because your knee hurts and you can't walk for a few minutes and then I guess once it pops back into place you're fine again.  I hate it and I'm guessing you do too.  I hope you grow into it and don't need surgery but I guess time will tell.  

You show a LOT of interest in the toilet.  You're forever climbing onto it, usually fully clothed but sometimes I humor you and take your clothes off.  You haven't done anything on it yet and I'm starting to think that maybe you think sitting on it is all there is to it because you tell me you want a treat when you get off.  I'm hoping you catch on quickly because of watching Case so much.  

You are an amazing talker and you're so smart.  I don't take a bit of credit for this because although I worked hard with your brother before you got very old but I haven't had the same chance with you.  I believe Case is the reason you are so smart.  You carry on whole conversations already and have for a while now.  You amaze me every time I listen to you.  You know most of your colors and the letters in your name (most of the time... you're welcome for keeping it simple for you).  I look forward to watching you grow and can't wait to see where God leads you in the future.  I love you with all my being Ty Ty!!!!  

Love,
Mommy

Here's a few more of you over the past year...

First time playing in the snow

Grandma is responsible for letting you lick the icing spoon

You and your cousin Molly... you love "Baby Molly"

You are Grandpa's boy for sure!

Ty's Pirate Party

For Ty's second birthday we decided on a pirate theme.  He loves to watch Jake and the Neverland Pirates right now so it seemed like an obvious choice.  Here's a look at how we celebrated with our special little man, whom I ABSOLUTELY adore!!!!!!

The Invite

As usual, the cake was amazing, thanks to my cousin Suzie,
at Suzie's Sweet Shop.  If you are in the Indianapolis area
I highly recommend her.  Her cakes are cute AND delicious!

 

Can't have a pirate party without "walking the plank".  I
wanted to raise it off the ground a little but decided that might
end in a lawsuit :-)

FOOD!

It was a soup kind of day

If you need an ice bucket for a kid's birthday party a sand
bucket and shovel works nicely!

Pirate Ty with Pirate Grandpa, who he totally
didn't recognize, notice he's backing away.

The kids did a "treasure hunt" in a rice filled sensory bin.
This is what I wanted it to look like...

...but this was more accurate.  

Ty and Grandma

My parents don't mess around when there's a theme... love them!

Ty loved having everyone sing to him.  I LOVE that half smile!

He got SO many great gifts.  I know he doesn't right now, but
I pray the day comes when he understands just how truly
blessed he is with so many people that love him!

My 2 year old Ty Ty

I love that Daddy always helps the boys open gifts... it's a
little too chaotic for me!  

We are SO grateful that so many people love our little pirate enough that they spent their Saturday with us.  We are blessed beyond words with our amazing family and friends and especially with our Ty Ty!