Monday, September 6, 2010

Happy 2nd Birthday Joshua and Caleb

Two years ago today my twins, Joshua and Caleb, were silently born. I say silently because there were no cries and there were no coos. My boys were stillborn. I find it very easy to go back to that day however I don't live there anymore. Much has happened since the day we lost our boys and the blessings are the first thing that come to mind. Many wonderful people have come into our lives that we would not have otherwise met. Relationships have been built on something much stronger than small talk. They've been built on a shared experience that left lives changed forever. God took our boys from us that day but He also gave us all that we needed to carry on. He drew us closer to Him. He brought us relationships with people that would help carry our burden. He blessed us with family that gave us time to heal and loved us through it all. He gave us the memories we have of holding our little boys. He gave us much. He gave me Summer.

Summer lost her little boy, Caleb (part of our immediate connection) not long after our boys were born. We don't live in the same town. We didn't share common friends. God brought us together through a discussion forum on iVillage. We became immediate friends. I have relied on her a lot through my healing process. She continues to be a beacon of strength for me. God has not eased her pain with another baby like He has for me; however He's given her strength, courage, and comfort that has continued to carry her through. I am so encouraged by how she continues to keep her faith in Him even when it seems like He might not hear her.

Marlena, our nurse, has also been another gift from God. She was there for Joshua and Caleb's birth as well as Case's. If I know Marlena, she'll do all that she can to be there for any future babies as well. It is extremely comforting to be surrounded by someone who intimately lived what we went through during Joshua and Caleb's birth when we had Case. She totally understood all of the emotions. She's always there for me if I need her and that hasn't changed in the two years since they were born.

I also have the support of a group of people that all have shared a similar experience. They make up the support group that we began attending soon after we lost the boys. It's another place I can go where I know they all get it. Andy, Sarah, Wanetta, Barron, Deanna, Bobbi, Kelly, Jennifer, Pam, I love you guys!!!

God's blessings continued today. Two years after God took them home I can still feel Him working in our lives giving us the gift of peace and comfort that only He can give. The weather today was as beautiful as the day of their funeral. We had a lot of family out there today because they were all camping for the long weekend. They all joined us at the cemetery (right next to my brother's property where we camp). We decorated their grave and sang happy birthday. It was all very neat to me because here was a group of people that all came together to remember my boys. Thank you God for this support. My love to you all, Mom, Dad, Aunt Cathy, Uncle Rick, Lori, John, Bethany, Rickey, and Aunt Karen. You all made this day very special for us!!!

Case and Daddy on their way to Joshua and Caleb's grave

Decorating their headstone

Our family decorating their headstone

All the wonderful people that helped us celebrate

Our family

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