Well I have officially handed my 2nd grade teaching position off. Yesterday I went into work with plans to meet my replacement. I wasn't sure how difficult it would be to walk back in there, so I went early. I was so happy to see my principal had pulled in just ahead of me. I haven't gotten to see her since I lost the boys but yet she has been a strong support for me throughout my decision to stop teaching for now.
Walking in wasn't as hard as I thought it might be...it really didn't look like my room anymore...it was way too organized:-) It was interesting to meet my replacement. She has recently moved to the area and is a brand new teacher. I can remember that excited yet nervous feeling of just starting out. I feel somewhat responsible for much of the stress she has been put under. She walked into my classroom for the first time Saturday and is expected to take over teacher tomorrow. I can only imagine that stress. She was handling it much better than I would have been.
She is a very nice person and I know my kiddos will be well taken care of. I will say it was more difficult to leave than it was to walk in. I got to see a few teachers and it was just a reminder of what I am leaving behind. I love all the people I work with and I will miss them so much!!! I promised I would visit but that just isn't the same as seeing them every day. It is just such a comfortable place to be because I have spent much of the last 4 years there. I will still have the option to go back in August but I just don't know where God will lead me by that point. Maybe I will end up back in the same classroom, maybe He will give me another chance to be a mom, or maybe I will be somewhere I never even expected. Only He knows.
I don't have any news on what I am going to do with myself now that this decision is final but I'm not worried about it. After a sermon at church last week, that I'm pretty sure must have been written just for me, I realize I need to just let things go. These are not my decisions to make. God is in control of every move I make, every breath I take. He knows better than I where I should end up. So I'm letting go. God will lead me.