Halfway

Dear Case,
Happy "Birth-O-Ween"!  Today you are nine years old!  Nine years ago you came into our lives when we needed you the most... yes, WE needed you.  Joshua and Caleb made us parents but you made us Mommy and Daddy.  There is no greater or scarier privilege than this one.  There's something pretty crazy, special, sad and mostly heartwrenching about this birthday though.  It's different from the last 8. 

For nine years we've been walking up the hill to reach this point.  We've laughed, we've cried, we've disciplined; rinse and repeat for nine years.  Now we start our downhill descent.  We are no longer building up... now we are counting down.  In 9 more years from today, the world will call you an adult.  Legally, you will be able to vote, open your own bank account, sign your own documents, enlist in the military, serve on a jury, buy fireworks, get a tattoo and (gulp) live by yourself.  I can't wrap my mind, and especially my heart, around the fact that your childhood is officially halfway over today.  Each year seems to get busier and faster, which means the next nine years are going to fly by even faster than the first nine did.

This next nine years will be like a final exam for Daddy and me.  Did we do enough?  Did we discipline the right way?  Were we too harsh?  Were we too gentle?  I can make a list of one hundred ways I've screwed up at being your mom, and that would likely only get me through this week.  I pray with all that I am, that despite my failures, you're still going to grow up to be a bright spot in this dark world.

I am not sure what the next nine years will look like for you.  You have changed so much and so fast in the past few years.  You've really started to become your own person.  I've seen glimpses of the teenage attitude, which will likely be super "fun" for all involved, and I've seen glimpses of this super funny, loving kid that has the potential to totally change the world. As you travel through the next nine years, I need you to remember a few things.  God did NOT promise to make your life easy.  He DID promise to be with you through it all though.  Remember that the world is watching the most when things get hard, and things WILL get hard. 

There will be times when it feels like the whole world is against you.  Keep your head up.  Keep your heart focused.  And don't worry about what the people around you think of you.  Your heart will always know right from wrong.  Stick with what's right and be kind.  Make the choice to show God's love to the person that believes the same things as you, and to the person that believes none of the things you do.  Be in the Word and let Jesus be your guide. 

I pray that you develop a strong work ethic over the next nine years.  Working hard will go a long way to carry you through tough situations in school and life.  You don't get something for nothing.  The world doesn't owe you anything but God has called you to serve the world.  Always be kind... genuinely kind.  No one likes a faker and people see right through that.  But genuine kindness?  That has the ability to totally transform your life and the lives around you.  As you get older, you will begin to see how truly ugly the world can be. People can be so cruel.  There's death and poverty and so much fighting.  But there is also beauty in the world.  Find the beauty.  Seek it out.  It's worth it.  And when you can't find the beauty, make some. 

I also need to let you in on a little secret.  Contrary to what you may think, Mommy and Daddy do NOT have things all figured out.  Growing up is NOT the answer to all your questions and problems.  It's just the key to a whole new world of confusion.  So cling to God's Word now, so that when you're all grown up, the sword of your spirit will be big and strong and ready to take on all the complications that come with being a grown up.  And don't be in a hurry to get there.  Take your time and enjoy the last half of your childhood.  Don't keep lunging forward to the next chapter, rather enjoy the one you're in.  There's a great story there! 

Now a word of advice to the future 18 year old you...  along with the privilege of being old enough to live on your own, get a tattoo, and blow your paycheck on lottery tickets; you're also old enough to go to jail.  So make good choices and love the people around you. 

I love you Case Case!  You're going to keep on this descent whether my momma heart is ready or not, so be gentle in the moments where I fall apart.  My heart is just trying to catch up with your reality.  No matter what the last half of your childhood looks like, I will always love you with all that I am and you will never make a mistake big enough to change that even a little bit.  Happy Birthday, Case! 

Love,
Mommy