Quickening

Quickening, according to Google, refers to the initial motion of the fetus in the uterus as it is perceived or felt by the pregnant woman. Quickening according to me is the sign of life within me. It is the only sign I have that my baby is still alive and well. It is my reminder that perhaps I will be blessed with a pregnancy that doesn’t end in sorrow, a pregnancy that doesn’t end but rather provides a new beginning. A pregnancy that doesn’t require a goodbye. Quickening to me is the most amazing feeling I have ever felt. Sure it’s wonderful to hear that heartbeat on a Doppler or see it beating away on the ultrasound machine but to actually feel it makes it SO much more real. Quickening has made Dotson real to me. Can I just say that I am a HUGE fan of this “quickening”?

Many may not have yet felt this amazing feeling so I’m going to share with you what I think it feels like because I can tell you that the description others gave me made me question whether I was really feeling him or not. So here it is… I feel two distinctly different feelings and I believe both of them are him. The first is what I call a “squirmy feeling”. It feels like he is squirming all around inside me. Some may call this a “flutter,” I disagree. The description of fluttering makes me think of a butterfly fluttering its wings in a wide open space, I think it feels more like a baby doing that squirmy snuggling thing they do when you’re holding them. It would make sense that they do something similar while still in the womb. Some also describe this as maybe feeling like gas…I didn’t get that either. Gas feels like gas…this is different. My second description is, and I’ll warn you this one is groundbreaking, that it feels like a gentle kick. Not the kick of a grown person because remember their feet and hands are still very tiny but it feels like a gentle kick, a flick from the inside might be a better description. At any rate, I think when you feel it you will know that is what it is. Dotson also loves to dance on, what I think is, my cervix. This gives me the constant urge to have to go to the bathroom. He must know that I enjoy frequent breaks, especially while at work.

I just think this whole idea of feeling another human being moving within me is so spectacular. I don’t know how anyone can question the presence of God in this. So many things have to fall perfectly into place to even become pregnant, not to mention the timing of everything once you are. There is such a precision to it that I know only God could be responsible for this miracle and with every kick I will praise Him. I am reminded with each of those kicks just how blessed I truly am. This reminder is just another gift that has come from losing my boys. I don’t know that I would realize how amazing this truly is if I hadn’t been through such a difficult loss before I might not be so in tune with all that is happening within me now. This reminder is just another gift from my Joshua and Caleb.