Is kindergarten really necessary???

Dear Case,
Tomorrow you start kindergarten and all I can think about tonight is homeschooling and that I probably should have bought some Ben & Jerry's to get through the next 24 hours.

I don't know how it is possible that tomorrow is it.  I feel like my time is up.  Like I am done being your mom.  Like I have to hope that the mom I've been up to this point has been good enough because tomorrow you go out in the world.  You're going to spend more time with someone we don't know than you are with me.  How will I know that you are okay?  What if you forget to wash your hands, or you accidentally pick something you don't like to eat at lunch, or you forget what bus you ride, or someone is mean to you (by the way I will come after them)?  You are going to leave my care at 7:10 in the morning and I'm not going to get you back until 4:10.  WHAT???  That's going to feel like FOREVER!  And then when you get home I'm going to ask you a hundred questions and you're not going to remember the answer to any of them.  Because to you this day is probably not that big of a deal but to me I feel like a third of my job is done.  Yes, logically I know I'll always be your mom but this part?  It was too short.  I didn't do enough or teach you enough or play with you enough or just sit and enjoy you enough.  And now our time is up.  Even if I had 10 more years, it would never be enough.  I don't know why it bothers me so much.  This is what you're supposed to do.  I get to train you and love on you for 5 years and then I have to share you with the world.  Ugh!  The world!  It's terrible and you're about to find out.  For five and a half years I could shelter you from it and protect you from it and now I'm going to throw you out in it.  I hate this feeling.  I hate that this is the end of this chapter.  I hate that I won't have a starring role in the remainder of your chapters.  I hate that I have to share you with people that don't know how awesome you really are.  They'll learn though!

As much as I hate all of this, I know that this is my job.  This is the job that God gave me.  He chose me to be your momma and to prepare you for tomorrow and all the days after it.  He chose me!  What a gift!  What a blessing that He shared you with me but ultimately, somehow, He loves you even more than I do.  Tomorrow my faith is going to have to be more than just words.  It's being put to the one of the biggest tests I've had to date.  My faith in Christ is the ONLY reason I'm going to let you get on that school bus tomorrow.  It's the only reason I'm going to let you spend the longest 8 hours of my life with a bunch of people that we don't know.  And while I know that HE is in total control of every single second, I'm still going to be here with damp eyes and a red nose because I'm sad.  I'm sad that our time is up.  And I'm happy.  I'm happy because you are so excited.  These are the most mixed bag of tears I've ever shed.

I'll be by your side all the way to that school bus tomorrow and I'll be waiting with SO much excitement in that very same spot when you get back.  Do me a favor though, try to remember some things about your day.  This is a big one and your momma really needs to know that it was a good one.  

Tonight when I put you to bed you said, "I'm a little bit scared but I think I'm going to make lots of new friends."  If there's one thing I know for sure, it's that you aren't half as scared as I am but I'll do my best not to let you know that.  I'll be praying for you tomorrow probably most of the day tomorrow because there is absolutely NOTHING else that I can do.  This is where the rubber meets the road.  I pray that tomorrow lives up to every bit of excitement you're feeling tonight.  I pray that you start friendships tomorrow that will last a lifetime.  I pray that your teacher is gentle with you and that you're patient with yourself.  I pray that you remember this is everyone's first day and that you will ask for help when you need it.  Be brave and have fun Case.  I'll be here when you get home!

Love,
Momma

Knox is ONE!

At nine months you were 

Weight: 20 pounds 2.6 oz (59th percentile)

Height: 27.75 inches (23rd percentile)

Head Circumference: 45 cm (49th percentile)

Will update with 12 month stats 

when we go in a couple weeks.  

Dear Knox,

Well I made it to 8 months and then failed miserably keeping up with your monthly blog posts!  I'm sorry!  I did remember your pictures at least before you turned the next month older so those are semi accurate :-)  Let's talk about you, because a LOT has changed since your last post.

You started pulling yourself up at 8.5 months and you were SO proud of yourself!

First time you pulled yourself up 4/10/2015

You started really walking just 4 days shy of 11 months but you took a few steps here and there before that.  Your brothers were passing around a pretty high fever that kept us in the house for several days in a row.  This was good for your walking!  One Thursday afternoon, you just took off!

Another big milestone?  YOU ARE SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT!!!  WOO HOO!!!  Wait, I sounded a little too excited about that.  I did love our middle of the night snuggles and will be forever grateful for that time with you but I am also a big fan of uninterrupted sleep so we'll just hang onto those memories and enjoy our sleep.  

You now have 4 teeth in or coming in on the top and two on the bottom.  You were looking a little snaggle toothed there for a while as one of your side top teeth came in before your middle top teeth.  

You also learned to clap!  It is the cutest!  If we say "Yay Knocky!" you drop everything in your hands and clap with the world's biggest smile on your face.  It is the most precious!!!

Clapping with Gerry the Girrafe

I still get to rock you to sleep but now you'll even let me read to you first.  More often than not you don't fall asleep on me and I have to put you in your bed awake.  You'll usually fuss for a minute maybe and then lay down.  But those occasions that you do fall asleep on me I LOVE!  You like to sleep on your hands with face down.  I don't know how you breathe but somehow you manage.  You get sleepy at about 7:45 each night and we give in and put you to bed around 8.  You'll usually sleep until 7am but you wake up SO happy in the morning.  You just sit in your bed and play with toys until I come in to get you.  You get sleepy for a morning nap around 9:30 or 10 and usually sleep until 11:30 or so.  Then you go down for another nap around 3 until 5 or so.  I love that you are such a good sleeper/napper.  It gives me a chance to get things done so that I can really enjoy you when you're awake.  

Whenever you fall asleep in the car Case holds
your hand but even he fell asleep this time.  <3 td="">

SO happy in the mornings!

Sometimes your brothers beat me to you!  

Until about 10.5 months you were getting a bottle at both naps and at bedtime.  You did so well when I cut out your morning bottle that I thought I'd try the afternoon bottle and you did great!  Two days before your first birthday we tried to stop the bedtime bottle and you didn't even flinch.  It was weird!  I had way more anxiety about it then you did.  So you were officially bottle free by your birthday.  You love whole milk so that helps make it an easy transition I guess.  You drink a cup of milk with each meal but you love water too so that's what you get in between or when we're out.

You have gotten so good at chewing and eating things that as long as they're little I don't have to worry too much about you choking anymore.  I don't even have to break your veggie stixs up anymore and you do love your veggie stix!  I give you eggs every morning, most mornings you throw them on the floor but on rare occasions you eat them.  I will keep trying because they're so good for you and I'm making them for your brothers anyways.  You love bananas, baby cereal bars, nutri-grain bars, baby granola bars, banana pancakes, cereal, oatmeal (depending on the day) and most pouches as long as their heavy on the fruit and light on the veggies.  For lunch and dinner you like grilled cheese, cheese, peanut butter and jelly, any kind of bread, spinach nuggets, quesadillas and turkey.  You love to snack too!  Puffs, veggie stix, anything sweet, you name it.  You're a real big fan of vanilla ice cream too!

You love to play with anything your brothers are playing with, they aren't so fond of this game.  You also love to pull every book off of every shelf until it's nice and empty.  Apparently a tidy shelf means more to you than a tidy floor.  Toilet water and trashcans are just a few more of your favorites! Oh and my phone.  Somehow you know you love my phone!

You love to climb on the fireplace and play and
then get really mad when you can't figure out
how to get down! 

Just minutes later I found you and your trusty
sidekick, Julia, playing so quietly in the toilet!  :)

Another look at the two of you when you were
a little more innocent and not mobile!

You love Facetiming with your cousin Maddox :)

And hanging out with your buddy, Eli

and riding horses

and being outside

and baby yoga no and then :)

And helping Mommy in the office.  About 60
seconds.  That's how long you have to be in there
before you do this.  

and this.

You are an equal opportunity boy and love on your momma and your daddy equally!  Your face beams when your daddy comes home at the end of the day and you can't wait to get into his arms!

I have enjoyed your first year way more than you'll ever know.  To see your smile and the love in your eyes when you're with your brothers makes my heart so full of joy!  You are such a sweet baby and so loving.  You will frequently just lay your head on me or Daddy and pat us.  It's just precious.  I can already tell that you are going to love so deeply.  I don't know who you'll be when you grow up and I wish that it wasn't going to feel like a minute before I find out.  I wish I could just freeze time because it's going to break my heart when you aren't my baby anymore!  I just pray that you follow God's path for you.  That you love Him deeper than anyone else and that you find a way to make the world a better place.  With that smile I don't see how it could go any other way!  I love you sweet Knocky!  

Love,

Momma

Cracked me up how you would get in this car
 before you figured out that the door opened :)

Zoo trips with friends

Lucas loves you!  He's so sweet!!!

Silly boy on the other side of the door.  Some people think
fingerprints on the glass are bad.  Geez!

Still love a pickle!!!

Ty is FOUR (and four months)!

Dear Ty Ty,
So I am the world's worst blogger these days and I am just now getting around to your 4 year post.  I'm just 4 short months late on that.  Ugh!  So here's a look at you...

You are a bundle of emotions.  I confess, I tend to refer to you as my 13 year old daughter.  When you're happy, you're super happy but when you're mad, look out! Those moods can swing at any given moment without warning.  You love so deeply but you are also hurt very easily and you have no problem letting the offender know that they've hurt you.  Again, my thirteen year old daughter :)

You really look up to Case and love to do the things that he does.  This usually annoys him but he misses you on the rare occasion that you aren't together.  You are each other's best friend.  My heart feels like it might explode when I watch the two of you playing nicely together.  Now that usually ends in a fight, at which point I think my head might explode instead but those sweet moments in between are precious.

Penguin day at Case's school

One of my favorite pictures of you!  I dare the
Headless Horseman to mess with you!

Super heroes in Walmart

A Johnston and Johnston fort... I don't see a construction company
 in your future!

 

You are very social and love to be with your friends!  You prefer that your "friends" be little girls that are older than you.  Seriously.  If we're out and I can't find you, I just need to look for the nearest pretty girl or lady and there you are.  I'm worried about your future, or maybe about the girls in your future.  

Here's an example, you've never cared so much about a map or a cannon as you did once you saw this lady at the children's museum.  All of a sudden you were hanging on her EVERY word for like 20 minutes.  I can't get you to sit and learn about anything for 5 minutes!  

Studying a map?  Really?  You got game kid!

Well played Ty, well played!

You love to play with the kids at "The Circle", which is just the cul-de-sac by our house but all the kids around us meet and play there.  Cora, is probably you're most favorite person at The Circle.  She pretends to be your mom and takes you for rides on her scooter.  You think she's pretty awesome.  I couldn't get you to wake up in the car one day when we had gotten home and carrying you in wasn't an option.  I tried everything, shaking you, talking to you, saying your name over and over and over again.  Then I said, "there's Cora!" and your eyes popped open immediately. Oi vey!

Your best friends are Case, Andrew, Caroline, and anyone else that's willing to do what you want to do.  You are very social and don't really like to be alone.  You love to wear a superhero costume and when you can't get away with that then a superhero hoodie with a face cover will do, 90 degrees outside or not.  Swords and guns are another favorite toy of yours.  No matter what size the sword or gun is, the waist of your pants was made to hold it.  You love all your "weapons".  You will help Case with puzzles for a little bit but tend to lose interest long before he does.  You aren't a crafty kid because you don't really love to sit still.  

This lasted a hot minute and then you got mad.  

If you have to do a craft, you would prefer there be tools involved!

I think you are going to be into sports more than Case is.  You both played on the same basketball team this past winter and you really held your own even though you were the youngest on the team.  You're going to give soccer a shot next, which isn't my favorite sport but if you love it, I'm there!  I'm really hoping you try baseball next summer and love it because I can't convince your brother to play again and I really loved watching him.  Maybe you'll be my ball player!  

Taking a shot!

You didn't hesitate to climb to the top of the rock wall!

You and Case moved into a room together just before Knox was born.  Daddy and I bought you (used because that's how we roll) bunk beds.  You and Case really like being in the same room!  You sleep on the bottom bunk and Case is on the top.

You've got your own style.  You hate when I pick your clothes out.  When you pick your clothes out, you almost always pick these yellow mustard colored cords and a tee or your blue or green khakis and a character tee always with a character hoodie.  It is so funny.  You don't care what the temperature is, you just like to wear certain things.  You roll to your own beat and don't care what anyone else thinks about it.

Daisy Dukes or sweats? who knows.

You were sad because this is what you wanted to wear to church

You love to watch TV and movies!  You probably don't sit as long as your brother does but you think Saturdays are pretty awesome because you get to watch a show while you eat.  My favorite part about your love of movies is that you are always repeating random movie quotes.  You always pick the funny ones.  Sometimes it catches me off guard to see how funny you are at only 4 years old!

You LOVE sweets!  I limit them because you get an upset tummy really easily.  You puke when you drink chocolate milk or eat too much junk.  This has happened about 3 or 4 times now.  Let me remind you at this point that puke is my kryptonite!  It makes me want to hand in my mom card and run for the border!  So I'm probably overly careful with sweets and you.  Aside from sweets, you love to have oatmeal or cereal for breakfast.  You drink milk (white) at every meal and would drink it in between if I let you.  You would prefer to have peanut butter and jelly for lunch AND dinner but I usually don't accommodate that for you.  You'll usually eat pepperoni pizza, grilled cheese, hot dogs, turkey, pancakes, bananas, and that's probably about it.  You claim that you love carrots but usually won't eat them so I'm not buying it!

You're a good sleeper.  You are still napping around 2 to 4 most days, with sleep probably only being about 1 to 1.5 hours of that.  You get to stay up after Case at night for about 30 minutes and have some iPad time.  This is probably your favorite 30 minutes of the day!  If I have a middle of the night visitor, it's usually you with a bad dream and you sure do have some weird ones!  

You are much more sensitive and aware of death than Case is so when Poppy died you had a lot of questions. You still ask random questions now and then. Before Poppy died, you loved to visit him and play with his hands and ride on his scooter or walker with him. He was your buddy for sure! I hope you'll always have memories of him! He sure did love you and your brothers!

You became a big brother in July of 2014!  And you are AWESOME at it!  You loved to play with and talk to Knox when he was still in my belly.  

The day you met him you weren't really too sure...

But he quickly became one of your most favorite people!  You loved to hold him from the moment we got home from the hospital.  You love to watch Knox learn new things and to just have him near you.  My heart melts every time I catch you snuggling with him!  

You are such a snuggler.  You still love to be cuddled when you're sad.  You're super ticklish and pretty much melt into a ball if someone touches your neck.  You can be very mischievous but also very kind and obedient.  You don't hesitate to let someone know, usually in a rather loud voice, if you feel as though they have wronged you somehow.  You've slammed many a door in your short 4 years (usually because I'm the one who has "wronged" you in some way).  You're so loving, and so naughty, and so funny and I just wouldn't change a thing about you!  I wish I was better at creating a picture of you with words because I never want to forget the four year old you!  I love you with all my heart and I hope you ALWAYS know that!!!  Happy (VERY BELATED) fourth birthday my sweet boy!

Playing with cars on Joshua and Caleb's grave

Driving the boat!

Snuggles with great-grandma

naptime with Grandma!

Probably one of my favorite stories about you... you look at this
monster truck and ask "so he hunts paper towels?"

Not afraid to try anything once and you usually go back!  

Ring bearer gig!

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brothers and cousins!  

You have that helmet on more than you have it off I think.

You keep us laughing!

Such a boy!